Should have

This is what I will be looking at Friday morning. Lily and I are taking off on a short weekend trip to the Magical World of Disney.

The planning has been a process. I read of lot of everyone's research from online and from people who have gone recently that I know. You know the do's and don't, best places, best times and things not to miss.Then I started to feel that that was going to take the magic out of the "magical experience". So I made a plan....not to plan.

We are winging it. The only thing I scheduled is the Bibbity Boppity Boutique. Lily is all into the fancy stuff. All though she'll want the make up off within 5 minutes (wait for my blog next week to see how long it lasted).

We have three days there. Magic Kingdom, Epcot and Animal Kingdom could all be accomplished or all three days could be at Magic Kingdom. I will leave that up to Lily.

I will get back to a better blogging cycle once we return. We have a huge yard sale and a busy summer of hiking to blog about.

The Prank

So I love watching all those hidden video shows. I especially like the ones where they prank someone. When ever I get a scratch off (like twice a year) I remember the one from funniest home videos where the guy thinks he got the winning lottery numbers. Here is montage of a whole bunch of, "funny to me but not to them" pranks.

I have thought of a great prank.

Victim: You need to find someone going in for surgery (please do  not do a heart surgery patient). They will need to get general anesthesia and be staying the night.  It would be great if they had a young child and if they were married.

Preface:   Now typically people wake up in the recovery room but once they are brought back to their room they will fall asleep again. Once they fall asleep fill the room with photos and find a lot of dead flowers and balloons with 1/2 the amount of air.

Setting the scene:   So when your soon to be xfriend or family member wakes up you pretend 20 years has gone by.  You have a adult at their bedside as they wake up pretending to be their child. You have another adult dressed as a doctor come in, pretend to assess them and then ask them some questions. Like:

1.  Do you know what year it is?     No it is 2032

2.  Do you know who this person is?  It is your child, remember Nicky, she's now 24.

3.  Do you remember any other family members?  Yes, Eduardo was your spouse but a divorce was granted after 5 years.

4.  Do you remember why you came to the hospital 20 years ago?  Welllllll, yes you did come for  gallbladder surgery but after you woke up in recovery they brought you back here. From what the records state you fell asleep and thrashing your head into the bed rail. You caused your brain to swell and well...you've been in a coma since.

I am awful...I feel this would be hilarious. I don't think I will be invited to be with any family or friends at the hospital any time soon.



a mish mash of pride

When you see you child making good choices without any assistance it is golden. I mean all children will make the right choice when you give them the evil mom eyes or when you totally prep them. You hope and pray that when you aren't around or when you aren't within the correct distance to persuade their choice that they do the right thing.

Today at church Lily went up for the children's sermon. So far, so good. Before they sat down the Reverend handed one little girl (new to church) a cute stuffed dragon to hold while she read a book about a dragon. Oh my eyes quickly went to Lily. I was waiting for her to start getting upset that she didn't get to hold the "stuffie". She composed herself. Yeah. I could see she wasn't happy but she got over it so quickly. What a girl.

Then they all sat down. Of course Lily is in a dress and that can not always end up good with an audience. She took the dress and pulled it down over her knees and then put her knees together and tilted them sideways. PERFECT. It was if I had coached her prior to going up there but I hadn't. I saw a sweet elderly lady pointing to Lily. Ah. It was a moment of pride.

The story went on a bit and was a bit beyond the age and attention span of most of the kids but Lily sat there. Slowly things began to unwind. After like ten minutes she decided to rub her face against the stair railing. Then she was putting her hands through her dress pocket and spinning it around. The attention slowly went back to the railing. She worked for about five minutes at getting the perfect grip. Wrapping each finger one at a time.

I am pretty sure that Dora or Barbie do not have stripper poles but that is what my daughter decided to try up front in church. She didn't do anything obscene, just inappropriate. When it came time to "give peace" some of the people gave me smirked smiles (not mean, just like "you gotta laugh about it")

If she wasn't so into death, angels and communion I would probably take a few weeks off from church.  In hope that people forget or more importantly have time to design a way so the next time she goes up front at church she isn't sitting next to the railing. Like tell her the middle of the stairs is the best seat so everyone can see her beautiful dress.

Yesterday I was witness of a 30 minute communion exercise at home. After several times giving communion to her stuffies she asked me to video it so she could show her Grampy (he's a man of the "cloth") because she wants to help him the next time she goes to church with him.

Just so you know she does have actual toys to play with. I am very proud of Lily and her railing dance was innocent but still something I will laugh about for a long time to come.

Random question #1

Author: Lily Faust
Age: 6

"Mom, if you were lost in the middle of the woods, who would you call first, your family or the police?"

This came out of no where. We were just chilling around the house on Monday. It can't be traced to a movie, show or book. I asked her twenty different ways how she came up with that question, her reply, "I was just thinking, like in my brain with pictures".

My reply, "I would call my family and have them call the police". She was fine with that answer and went on playing drawing on her dry erase board.

It was so obviously pointed out to me today that if I was in the middle of the woods with a cell phone....I'm probably not lost.

Since her brain has such an imagination, I should have elaborated and made up a good story.  Ah...they'll be a next time.

Built in revamp

Lily's room has built in book cases that take up an entire wall. The builder of these units (I am assuming the previous owner) also put a nice uneven coat of a dark oily stain. The sides connecting to the walls were left undone (I think a measurement problem occurred) and the top piece of molding had nails hanging out of it along with an odd jagged piece hanging.

The time came to paint the unit.

As you can see with the amount of clutter on there...the prep was going to take a while. Not so bad though. I put everything on her desk and bed.

Look what treasure I found behind the heater....lovely wallpaper. I also found the most terrible smell that I cleaned and then painted with Kilz.  Jojo is getting the last bit of sun in the window time before I keep her out of the room for the day.

So as noted above the unit was painted with a dark oily stain and I am used two coats of Kilz to prime everything. The oil stain on the doors ate through three coats of Kilz and one coat of semi-gloss until I gave up. They will be sanded and I will start over on them.

For less than six dollars I was able to get two pieces of wood to finish off the sides of the unit Finished. Took the nails and and jagged edges out of the top piece of molding...much cleaner look.

Although the dolls are on top, they are played with, it is the only shelf that is tall enough for them.

Off to do some clean up of all the extra clutter that needs to be organized. By organized, I mean put in the trash can outside at the curb.  What she doesn't know won't hurt her.

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parenting mistake

Lily and I traveled to her PCP's office this afternoon for sick visit. Of course we don't mind waiting in the lobby for our turn (very thankful for being squeezed in) but the loud gum smacking person had my last nerve for about an hour. Finally Lily and I go to see the Doctor and after a diagnosis of another respiratory infection, I left just so frustrated. I just wanted to get in the car and chill out to some music on the way home. Lily had other ideas.

MOM, IF WE TAKE OUR FEET OFF THE EARTH ARE WE IN OUTER SPACE? 
            no, outer space is far away
ARE WE JUST IN SPACE THEN, SINCE WE AREN'T ON EARTH?
            we are in the air, space is what you see in the sky and outer space is stuff farther than that
HOW FAR IS THAT LIKE TWO INCHES OR AS TALL AS ME?
            miles and miles
DOES OUR POOP AND PEE NEED CHEMICALS WHEN IT GOES IN THE TANK IN RHODE ISLAND?
            i'm not sure but i think so.
LIKE WINDEX OR CAR SOAP
           probably like Windex (i thought maybe some sort of vinegar)
BLUE WINDEX?
           i really don't know but we'll ask plumber

At this point I thought I was done for the night.......so wrong.

IF ALIENS COME DOWN ON EARTH, ARE THEY NICE?
             i imagine since we are nice aliens would be nice
IF ALIENS COME DOWN DO THEY COME AT NIGHT OR DAY?
             i am not sure, i haven't run into one
REALLY, THAT IS WEIRD

I have no interest in aliens, if they watch us on earth, captured people or even if we live amongst them. I am not being ignorant. There are only some many things that I let in my head, aliens aren't one that I ever made room for. I am not going to get a book from the library or amazon on this because I believe I'll be added to the national weirdo list. So I am not sure what the correct answer is. Big parenting mistake coming up. Wait for it....

Our discussion continued...

lily do  you think there are aliens?
           OF COURSE!
do you think they are nice?
           MOM, THERE ARE NICE ONES AND BAD ONES AND ONES THAT DON'T BRUSH THEIR TEETH AND ONES THAT TAKE MY STUFFIES. THEY COME ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT AND WATCH PEOPLE ON EARTH. THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE SOME OF US BACK TO THEIR PLANET AND MAKE US SHOW THEM HOW TO USE IPADS AND IPHONES. SO THIS IS WHY I NEED TO BE A TEENAGER NOW SO I CAN GET AN IPHONE AND A WHITE CLEAN CAR AND SHOW THE ALIENS....

she said more...I had to tune her out to not freak out.  At this point I am beginning to learn I can't blame her curious mind on her being sick. I can't blame it on a long day at Kindergarten.  I think I need to embrace it but I am uneducated in the world of outer space, poop chemicals and aliens.

Looking back and planning ahead

Looking back at some of last summers picture made me want to start planning this summers events. We have a three day trip to Disney, a trip to Maine and a trip to Tennessee.

The above picture is of last summer at Capron Park Zoo. Lily was having fun but she feels this is an appropriate pose for pictures. When she is 30 she is going to look back and think, "was I a sad child?"

I try to do a lot of out doors stuff because she loves nature and physical activity but I work for a skin cancer surgeon so I can't be a tan or burned. Not so kosher. I know she's wearing a hat in the above picture but it is a struggle every time to tell her how important it is.

Last summer she became a hula hooping expert. By expert I mean she spent a year letting the hula hoop fall to the ground and then one day...."oh move my hips".  At the end of the summer I was convinced she would get a college scholarship in the sport.

Yoga-Ballet. Enough said. So as you can see she is a very active child. Like most children if I believe they have a certain amount of energy inside of them that must be used up. If they don't use it up they become CRAZY.

So I am thinking a summer of hiking.  Great at getting the energy out. Great excerise. Great bonding time.  Ahh..and it is cheap if not free. You can do it in the evening before sunset (no sunburns), it will give us time to chat and explore. Hopefully Grammy will join us. Here is my bucket list for the summer:
Cliff walk
Diamond Hill Park
Chafee Nature Preserve
Norman Bird Sanctuary
Purgatory Chasm (repeat...love it)
Rodmans Hollow
Sachuest Point

Now I must buy both of us decent hiking shoes that deal with sand, water and rough hiking trails. So excited just getting this out of my head and thinking about all the fun we'll have.

Lottery

What would you do if you won the lottery? We often joke about it with family or friends but when it happens I think you need to be prepared or you'll end up like a majority those people on the TLC show that are bankrupt with five years. I am writing this as a manual for myself.

1. Once notified that you have won, tell no one besides people living inside your house. If a child is in the house and can't keep a secret then don't tell them.  Family will come out the the woodwork for money. I guess you could base it on how many times they "liked" a post on facebook to see if they are worthy of money. If I based it on followers of this blog....only one person would get money. HINT

2.  Call a lawyer. Specifically a tax lawyer that helps out the filthy rich. The first thing the lawyer needs to do is protect your privacy.  You don't want a newspaper or TV talking about your  win. Then people are going to be at your door for their different charities. Of course money will be given to a charity....but you don't want to have to say no to any ones face.

3.  Now, this is when it is time to freak out. Scream, yell, laugh, cry and run in circles.

4.  Carry on a normal life until you get the money. Work. You don't want something to happen and you don't get the money. I imagine Publishers Clearing House coming to my door and three days later saying, "whoops it was your neighbor we were looking for". Don't count your chickens before they hatch. 

Now assuming the money is in your account you have to have a different manual depending on the quantities of money you have won.

1,000,000= Not much is going to change after paying taxes and paying off the mortgage.  You'll have more monthly money for vacations and nice clothes. Maybe your child can go to a private school. You might upgrade your car. I would make a mental note to save money for taxes on your land and house that you have to pay every year. This is where people fail, according to TLC.

1,000,000 a year for life= Um, you are pretty set to do what you want. It might be better to try to get a lump sum if you believe in the Mayan calendar.

How would I spend the money? I haven't a clue on the responsible way to do it. I imagine I'd want to pay off things off but maybe that would hurt your credit if you don't have any debt. Do you need "Credit" if you are rich? This is where I would invest in a very good financial advisor. I googled and  Gregory Vaughan is #1 on Barron's top 100, Karen McDonald is number 100, she probably is just as good and doesn't charge as much. 

On February 29th Publishers Clearing House said they are giving away money in my zip code. I really should have read the "*" at the bottom because how do they know that if the drawing is that day and do they have a prize list I can check the accuracy of this information on March 1st.

I am doubtful that I will win but I play the game. I don't buy lottery tickets (except for once a year..if I remember), I like scratch off's but I don't go into gas stations enough to buy them on a frequency.  I like the thrill of what if.  I don't believe that money buys happiness. Money can get rid of financial stresses but I am sure it brings on a whole lot of other stresses.  Of course, I am willing to explore those other stresses if I won. 

Comment back on what luxury you would buy with your winnings.

catch phrases

I remember being in junior high and struggling to find ways to fit the popular phrases in my vocabulary. Back then it was, "gag me with a spoon, where's the beef, I've fallen and can't get up". I know now that when I used those phrases it was obvious that I was trying to hard but I felt cool in that moment. A catch phrase needs to me spontaneous and appropriate for a multitude of situations.

Yesterday I took my daughter and her friend to get ice cream. When we got into the car they started discussing how they got this special occasion because they were BFF's. I felt the need to make they elaborate on their feelings of trust and respect for each other and that is makes them "BFF's". I didn't.

When we got to the ice cream store the waitress was struggling with the lemonade dispenser. Of course we were sitting at the counter so we had a prime view of her frustration.  My daughter looks at me and says loudly, "this is awk----ward" and rolled her eyes halfway then put her hand over her eyes like a shield and looked down. What the h-e double hockey sticks. The waitress thought it was funny. I was mortified and felt the need to have her apologize. I didn't.

My child's friend got a huge ice cream sandwich and when it was in front of her she said, "OMG, this is like totally the biggest ice cream sandwich ev-a". I felt like I was with two teenagers. I wouldn't have had an issue if they didn't use the phrases correctly or weren't so darn cute.

If a strung out drug addict madam using person like Charlie Sheen can have a catch phrase like "winning" I want one. I recently started doing high kicks at work and saying "ca-ching". But "ca-ching" is an already established catch phrase and doing high kicks in public (which I am not afraid to do) may be dangerous to those around me. I should also mention that only one person at work played along with my high kick-ca-ching, the rest rolled their eyes. So I accept the failure.

It is too easy to bring back an old saying.  I am going to start a new catch phrase within my blogs and in my everyday life and see if anyone can get it or more importantly if I can get it to "go viral". So if you read it or hear me say, pay it forward....pass it on or start your own.

Philosophy 101

I have this philosophy that I use to "check my self". Look at your surroundings and see what they are telling you. I really want to pass this on to Lily because I find it a great character trait to have. Lily has my skill and love of organizing. She has already proven to be a better athlete. Now I am on the mission to teach her to check herself.

Lily has a sensory processing disorder. I don't go around with this on my shirt or put it on hers.  I let most of people we know just think she's a little quirky in her behavior. She doesn't get away with more than other kids...she's a pretty good kid.  Her attributes outshine her struggles. BUT reading her own or other peoples emotions isn't her forte. It may be something she's great at tomorrow or in five years so I will still try to teach her.

Like when you are standing at the top of the stairs and you are holding a cat and it begins to try to get out of your arms....I might think "heh this cat wants to get down...I will bend down and set it on the ground". If you are Lily you think, well I don't know how her brain works but the cat went flying down the stairs.

Another great example: she was a pleasant child tonight,excited for her birthday (which is tomorrow) until.....615 came tonight.  From 615 until 6:50 she was unglued. By unglued I mean she was unable to sit, stand, lay down, be quiet hold still or even breath correctly (seriously).

She was tired.

I really should count my blessings that this doesn't happen every night or doesn't last long.  I've have been around kids that it goes on forever. I used to babysit a kid that did this for two hours every night.

What works....hugging her. Now before the uneducated people say....don't coddle her. Some children (and adults) with SPD need to be held tight to calm down. Some of the therapy in facilities have heavy blankets that the kids wrap themselves in or one that Lily really like is being rolled up in gym mats. It doesn't take long 30 seconds to 2 minutes and she is like a different child. Apologizes and moves on. Then apologizes again at bedtime. Then apologizes again the next morning.

My goal in teaching her this philosophy is for her to read her actions and say, "heh...I'm not doing so hot so I am going to hang out in my room for a few minutes" then I will reward her for her good choice.  Wish me luck. I'm going to try it my way....not going to google how to teach this, not going to read any books...just going to wing it. I'll let you know how it works.  Going to the whole "mothers instinct a whirl.

Two things you should learn about the above post:
1. Hugging works.  We give hugs to say hello. We give hugs to say goodbye. We give hugs to say I am sorry. We give hugs to comfort. We should also give hugs to calm down a child because what is going through their head is different then what is going through ours.
2. Don't throw a cat down the stairs. Even though I am not a cat lover...I am pretty sure it isn't a good thing to do.

Tomorrow will be an exciting new post. Lily's birthday. She'll be six. I don't want to make every blog about her but tomorrow is about her. Now go hug someone.

Michaels

Who ever is in development of floor plans at Michaels is a genius. I mean like they run mensa. I can go through Target and Walmart and not believe that I "need" anything that isn't a regulary purchased item in my house. Michaels is another story. The store is arranged in such a fantastic way it is as if the merchandise builds your artistic confidence from the moment you walk in. They put crafts that two year olds can accomplish independently as soon as your walk in. You round that first corner and it is like...hmmm...I could make a necklace, chocolate lollipops,  mosaic garden tile, paint a bird house and then you round to the back of the store and my confidence depletes quickly. What the heck is half of that stuff. Obviously it is stuff that bored people come and get (being caddy makes me feel better about myself). I mean why wouldn't you buy the kit that is all put together at the front of the store. The consumers of the stuff in the back are not members of mensa.
Today I went to Michaels with Lily (she's going to be six on Tuesday...yikes). Lily is a great shopper. She believes I can do all the crafts in the store. She is so encouraging. She always tells me she will help me. The developer of floor plans was also smart to put $1 bins all around the store full of wonderful kid products. So when you round every corner your child can see something that not only do they think they need....you also think so and maybe one in every color. Fortunately for the size of my wallet I can say no and she understands Santa will get it for her next Christmas. Yes, another lie I tell my child all the time. If she really wanted/needed the item she would be mad at Santa and she still loves him.
So today's trip. The store experience was a blur. I was caught up in it all. The hearts for valentines. The huge shamrocks for the yard. The fabric Easter baskets. Gotta have it all. I didn't though. Now I am home with two bags. One bag had to be salvaged as a puke bag on the car ride home so truthfully I came out of the store with three bags.
So what did I end up with. A kit to do chocolate lollipops for Lily's class birthday celebration. I've got to remember to check the chocolate bags for possible peanut products...woopsies. Valentines for Lily to construct for her classmates. A new magnetic notepad for the fridge. That about ends it with the logical items.
Here is the list of I didn't need this crap: a roll of ribbon, a 2012 calender that kids color, 12 fluffy pink chicks, pink, blue, yellow and green hair extensions, two books for Lily and a pair of socks for Lily. I am going to make use of these items and post the pictures. Wish me luck. I wish you luck on your next trip into Michaels.

If anyone who works at Michaels is reading this,  I am sorry and click the red x in the upper right corner.
If anyone is the type that buys all that stuff in the back of the store that isn't in kits or have real directions......*%&&^#%& and the click the red x in the corner, then click shut down on the computer.

Need to go to sleep

Before I can go to sleep I need to get one more thing out of my head. If you live or drive in Rhode Island I would like to throw out a new device:

The stick that comes out of the left side of your steering wheel is a turn signal. It lets cars behind you know which way you are turning. You can use it. It doesn't make loud sounds, it has a soothing tick. It won't give you an electrical shock either.  I am not going to google what the proper distance is to turn it on to let the ones behind know you are to turn, just use common sense. If there are two lanes  and the car behind would have time to get in the other lane so they aren't stuck behind you...that would be a swell time to use it.  Also my car is four years old and I've never had to pay any money to keep it working. I imagine a spark plug will have to be replaced in the future but those are only a few dollars. Also, I use my turn signal so often and guess what....it has never broken off!
See I not only love my daughter as every parent does, I love every second I can spend with her. Like I actually enjoy it.  Even when she is wild and tired. So when I am on the road on the way to get her every minute counts. I don't want to sit behind someone who couldn't use their turn signal for two minutes until they can get the red light and turn. That is two more minutes I could have gotten hugs or heard about her  day.
I have thought about taking a day off of work standing on the roads that people turn onto (that keep me waiting). I could hold up big signs that state "use your turn signal next time" or "don't be so selfish".  This thought has happened more than once and has been recurring since I've moved to Rhode Island.
There are lots of things I love about Rhode Island. Stay tuned. Not tonight though...I know have a clear head and can go to sleep.

Lies I've told my daughter recently

1.  Yes you can bring your stuffies to heaven.
2.  Toys r us is all out of  that toy
3.  There are no coyotes in Rhode Island
4.  Your principal sent me a note stating you can't have a boyfriend in Kindergarten

They got me through the moment. I always try to answer what she is asking not what I think she is asking but after answering it ten different ways. I went for it, lied. I figure these are harmless lies.

I know there are coyote dens in Roger Williams Park because my dog has rolled in their #2 but the chance in the next few years that she'll find one of their dens....worth the lie in comparison to the tears.

 Lily is obsessed with death. It isn't a stage. Unless stages last a year. I am not going to get a book on how to talk to your kid about death...that cost money. Lily is almost six and at that age you should still believe that heaven is what ever you imagine. Not that I'd buy the book but no one has published a book (or blog) about what you can't and can bring to heaven. I wasn't even lying, this blog is making me feel better already

I don't believe in sugar coating things for Lily but she doesn't take "I don't know" as an answer. If I had more time we'd go to the library and look up the answers to each of her questions.  Besides using the simple lie technique I also use the distraction technique. Very useful sometimes.  For a bad distraction technique example, here is a conversation we had last weekend:
Lily "Mom how does the car move"
Me "so many things; tires, and the engine"
Lily "what about gas"
Me "yes and gas"
Lily "where is the gas from"
Me "the gas store"
Lily "where do they get it"
Me "a truck"
Lily "where does that truck get it and what is in gas that makes it move the car"
Me "oh my goodness did I tell you we are going to disney this year"
Lily "I'll just ask my teacher"
This weekend we will find time to study gas. I have no interest in it. It is going to be painful. I will no doubt be a gasologist after our research. Hopefully this all happens before she asks me how the picture she gets into the TV because I still think it is magic. 

FYI: I am not using correct grammar because I don't have to.  I know all the rules but don't want to make you feel like you are reading a college term paper.

Instructions for reading this blog

Purpose: This blog is for me to write things that I feel are crazy great or crazy bad and then it is for you to either laugh at me, know exactly how I feel or roll your eyes. Feel free to comment back.

Reason the name, "in my head": because these thoughts are in my head and need to come out and if they stay in there too long they get exaggerated.

Thought to keep in mind when reading: What is my terrible or great maybe very different compared to happenings in your life. That is why the blog is "in my head".

Enjoy.